Understand the underlying causes: Psychological or emotional barriers, stress, anxiety, or past traumas can inhibit orgasm. Addressing these issues through therapy or open communication with your partner is important.
Foster a positive sexual atmosphere: Healthy and enjoyable sexual experiences are key to achieving orgasm. Prioritize consent, affectionate touch, and clear communication about desires and boundaries.
Explore sexual positions and techniques: Experiment with different positions, toys, and foreplay methods to discover what works best for you. This can help stimulate erogenous zones and lead to orgasm.
Practice mindfulness and relaxation: Stress can inhibit orgasm. Practice relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, yoga, or meditation. Creating a calming environment before sex can help reduce anxiety and increase sensitivity.
Regular physical exercise: Regular aerobic exercise can improve cardiovascular health, leading to better blood flow, enhanced sensation, and easier reaching of orgasm. Balance exercises and core strengthening also contribute to overall pelvic floor muscle strength.
Manage dietary habits: Certain foods could potentially affect sexual function, including suppressing estrogen and testosterone levels. Include healthy fats like omega-3s, olive oil, and avocados in your diet, while limiting processed foods and sugar.
- Keep an orgasm diary: Noting down details about your sexual experiences, triggers, and moods can be helpful in understanding what works for you. This self-awareness can lead to more fulfilling sexual experiences and increase the chances of reaching orgasm.
Remember, achieving orgasm is a unique and personal experience. Patience, exploration, and self-compassion are key as you navigate through any sexual challenges.
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The search for orgasm
Sexuality understood as Propulsive drive toward pleasure, finds its highest physical and mental expression in theorgasm, which has always been regarded as thepinnacle of pleasure. But is this really the case? Does the pursuit of orgasm drive pleasure or does the pleasure of intimacy with another lead to orgasm?
The orgasm is often sought, even at the cost of turning sexual intercourse into a pursuit, and the closer it seems to get the more likely it is to get away. Those who have a difficulty in this regard may feel inadequate by a sexuality that is not fully fulfilled.
The pursuit of orgasm at any cost shifts the focus away from pleasure and the centrality of understanding and intimacy between individuals, limiting itself to bodily sensations, pushing away the possibilities of this occurring. This then activates a vicious cycle of seeking, frustration that can turn away not only from pleasure but from sexuality in general. If pleasure and orgasm are sought in the genitals and not in the mind and in intimacy with the other, research can be debasing. It is clear that all factors contributing to orgasm must be analyzed, but often the answer lies in In the integration of the various possible causes.
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Le causes of the lack of both male and female orgasm are many and on various levels, as we have had the opportunity to discuss several times. The orgasmic response (and pleasure more generally) is a’experience that starts in the head and that we cannot consider only related to the genital response. Along this ideal pathway, various planes are involved between desire and orgasm, which can either go to subtract or inhibit the orgasmic possibility or foster it and give it freedom:
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- the body plan, made up of everything necessary to preserve and activate the orgasmic reflex;
- the psychological plan both individual and relational;
- the context in which this is happening, the culture and education, the thoughts we have about ourselves and what we are doing while we are doing it.
These considerations do not change between men and women, as said many times, the similarities far outweigh the differences.
Why pleasure is not achieved
The first difference we need to make is whether it is a situation that occurs always or only under certain circumstances, for example, only as a couple, or only with a particular person. It is these quite different situations in which obviously the presence of the other person or a certain other person makes the difference between letting go and instead holding tightly to one’s own positions. It is clear that the situation is quite different: within the couple complicity is fundamental, as is the ability to communicate, the trust in being able to let go.
Other times, however, it is exactly the opposite, fear of letting oneself be seen or fear of too much closeness and intimacy, blocking the possibility of experiencing pleasure together with the other. They may be present False myths or prejudices or negative thoughts about orgasm, for example as complete surrender, loss of control, disconnection with reality. When imagined in this way, it is clear that it can be a moment of concern, in both sexes. One might have the concern that by losing control, the other person may pose a threat, this could be the case for those who do not orgasm as a couple but manage to orgasm through autoeroticism. Certainly, within the couple, the situation in both male and female may also be related to a inadequate sexual modality or unwanted.
Next, we cannot neglect possible organic causes or concauses: thus consider the pathologies or drug treatments that can induce an inhibition of orgasm. Often in these cases one is faced with a difficulty that appears precisely with taking the drug. Among chronic conditions we consider diabetes, neurological disorders, untreated hypertension, atherosclerosis, to name but a few. And then we keep in mind sexual pain in both men (rarer) and women as a pleasure inhibitor.
Activating reflections
I think it’s important to ask yourself the question “why can’t I have an orgasm,” to have a kind of little map to begin to orient yourself and then possibly choose whether and on what area you need to have help specialist.
The first reflection might be about time, for how long this has been happening to me? For as long as I can remember? For some time? What has happened in the meantime? When does it happen to me? In any kind of erotic stimulation, whether it is autoeroticism or with a partner? Or only with one partner? When does this affect me and how does it cause me discomfort? Is it also discomfort within the relationship? How serious is this situation for me and what does it entail in personal and relational terms?
Beginning to Give yourself some answers to these questions, serves precisely to reflect on oneself and the couple and one’s thoughts and emotions about sexuality, starting with very simple considerations.
