Who Are Swingers: Journey into the World of Open Couples
- Offers a nuanced perspective on swinging, beyond stereotypes.
- Explores the motivations and dynamics within swinging relationships.
- Provides insights into communication & negotiation within open relationships.
- Discusses the importance of consent and safety within the lifestyle.
- Illustrates the diversity and subcultures within the swinging community.
- May challenge readers’ preconceptions about consensual non-monogamy.
- Helpful for individuals curious about or considering swinging lifestyles.
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships/what_is_swinging
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201306/swinging-and-other-forms-open-relationships
Source: 123 rf iol
In a particularly fluid, confusing and precarious age, couples increasingly decide to feel free to try and experiment outside the exclusive dualism. Moreover, sharing the choice. It is about couple swapping, which tries to avoid boredom and arouse curiosity through play. But let’s try to better understand the dynamics and motivations. We asked for help from Fabio Grimaldi, psychologist, psychotherapist and sexologist, one of the consultants of the Dimmy.it team.
What is couple swapping?
“Couple swapping is a widespread practice involving couples who are married or engaged in stable relationships and involves the sharing with other people of moments of intimacy and sexual activity of various kinds without compromising the affective and relational level proper to the couple. In other words,” the sexologist continues, “it is an experience in which the members of the couple decide to give themselves to each other sexual pleasure through different bodies from that of the partner or partners, thus transgressing the implicit rule of the exclusivity of monogamous relationships. It is in fact an opening of the couple to sexuality with other agreed upon and shared, and, unlike a common betrayal, the members of the couple agree to by mutual agreement what is allowed to be done and what is not, and what elements are part of the game, so as to make the exchange experience a time of intimate participation.”
Pure sex
“Defining some rules is an element that cuts across all ethical non-monogamy, such as open couples or polyamorous couples. Swapping, however,” Grimaldi distinguishes, “differs from the others in that it is a moment peculiar to the sexual life of the couple and not of the individual member, as may be the case, for example, among open couples, and concerns only the sphere of sexuality, clearly separating the affective and everyday dimensions, unlike polyamorous relationships, within which all aspects of relational life are experienced, thus including social and family aspects. We can call couple exchange a transgression, a fulfilling sexual game for those who choose to practice it.”
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Curiosity and great complicity and dialogue
But from what need does this desire arise? It is difficult to generalize: “each story stands on its own, and each motivation can be valid to explain what drives members of a stable couple to agree and arrange sexual encounters with other people. It is often said that swinging is a tool to enliven bedroom life. In reality this, besides being a very biased explanation, is also potentially risky, since swapping can become very uncomfortable or disturbing if the driving force behind it has a solely and exclusively restorative function. Underlying the exchangeist practice is a frank and explicit dialogue, an authenticity that a couple in crisis may not be ready to hold.” The boredom then it would be to be addressed globally and not only in bed. “On the contrary, the curiosity can be an interesting stimulus and incentive to discover and discover each other by following what one’s instincts are and bringing them into the couple. Clear communication makes it possible to experience sexuality as a sensory experience, ranging from sharing videos or movies to using sex toys to experiencing with others, in the forms and times that are most functional for both members of the couple, not just one of them.”
Identikit of a swinger
Dr. Grimaldi, shall we try? “The usual perception of swingers is equal to that of members of a cult. In the reality of things we are talking about a very large number of people, so it is almost impossible to draw a precise identikit of them. Certainly we are talking about people who have a good relationship with sexuality and few inhibitions, a good dose of voyeurism and exhibitionism, and a lot of trust in one’s partner. It is a practice that can attract to any age And we can say that it is never too late to start.”
The exchange of couples: the two fundamental aspects
Let’s try to get a little more practical, to understand how it works. “As mentioned, it is a practice that is much more in vogue than it appears, so there are well-known or easily found places online to try this experience. There are differences precisely in terms of where and how people meet. Known are the clubs that authorize this kind of exchange, and there are public places where this happens in an agreed and consensual manner. The Web and social media are very helpful in this.
There are, however. two fundamental aspects for this experience to be solely and exclusively about pleasure. The first concerns the couple. It is necessary to have awareness of the fact that swinging exposes the couple to risks where the relationship is not solid, and each of the members will come to terms with their own insecurities, jealousies and other aspects that can undermine one’s self-esteem. The second fundamental point concerns precisely the places and ways within which to live this experience. It is basic that everything take place in a “safe” context, that is, where everyone feels comfortable and safe. For this reason, it is a good idea for novices to research thoroughly before embarking on adventures that may prove to be anything but pleasant.”
He and she, what changes
“The experience of couple exchange,” the psychologist continues, “is precisely about the couple, and it would be a mistake to consider it with gender-specific aspects. As in every couple dynamic, each of the members brings his or her own experiences and mental and cultural constructions. For this reason, in a couple’s exchange we can find what are normal power dynamics characteristic of couple life. We are helped in this by the concept of “objectification” (always consensual in swinging), and the subject of sexual experience becoming “object of pleasure” and the motives that move it in this direction can determine where power is positioned within the dynamic.”
Tips for managing an open relationship
A practice that at first reading appears very light and playful, prescinds from a great capacity to welcome, trust, open. “The starting point for managing a couple open to sexual exchange is the same as we would indicate for any type of couple. It is necessary and fundamental to be in attunement, with oneself before one’s partner. The communication plays a central role, and never before has “laying bare” taken on deeper meaning. Opening up a couple requires nourishing the dialogue with all the curiosities and uncertainties one has, as well as respect for the experiences and thoughts of one’s partner. È a game for two to play, a shared transgression, which does not exclude the possibility of betrayal, at the very moment that agreements are contravened. When we talk about sex, whether as a couple, in exchange or in a group, it is imperative to consider the consent of the people involved. The more a person feels in harmony with himself and his body,” Grimaldi concludes, “the more that experience will be one of pleasure.
