Sexual abstinence after 50 can occur due to various factors, including health issues, loss of a partner, or decreased libido. While abstinence eliminates risks of STIs and unwanted pregnancies, it may lead to:
– Decreased cardiovascular health
– Weakened pelvic floor muscles
– Reduced intimacy and emotional connection
– Lowered self-esteem and body confidence
Risks of prolonged abstinence include:
– Vaginal atrophy in women
– Erectile dysfunction in men
– Decreased natural lubrication
– Loss of sexual responsiveness
To rediscover sex in adulthood:
1. Communicate openly with your partner
2. Explore new forms of intimacy and foreplay
3. Consider sex therapy or counseling
4. Address any underlying health issues
5. Experiment with lubricants and sex toys
6. Practice self-pleasure to maintain sexual function
7. Focus on sensuality and touch, not just intercourse
8. Embrace changes in your body and sexual response
9. Prioritize overall health and fitness
10. Be patient and maintain a positive attitude
Remember, sexual activity can contribute to overall well-being at any age when practiced safely and consensually.
Bodies change and transform, and with them the contact, feeling, and performance of the sexual sphere. But what exactly happens to the body around the age of 50 and how these changes affect pleasure and fulfillment? We asked Ilaria Consolo, psychologist and psychodynamic psychotherapist, vice president of the Italian Institute of Scientific Sexology in Rome.
Abstinence, that’s why.
“For sexual abstinence is understood to be the renunciation all aspects of sex life, and it can be a choice voluntary or forced. Sexual abstinence can have multiple origins and reasons, external or otherwise,” she explains. “It can be due to reasons of health or because you can’t find a partner; while other times you decide not to have sex because of religion, for taboos, for educational reasons; or because at certain times of life, such as in pregnancy or old age, it is more appropriate to give up sexual play. Then there may be personal inclinations, or dysfunctions of sexuality that one is ashamed of, so one gives up the game. Some women may choose not to have sex to avoid a unwanted conception; while others choose abstinence as the free disposition of one’s body, as a way of (re)acquiring the self-control and find themselves, perhaps to get in shape or to devote themselves to projects and dreams neglected during couple time. Still, in a society like today’s marked by disposable sexuality, there are those who choose abstinence to not to compromise, to avoid having sex just for the sake of it, without involvement. Abstinence can also be determined by difficulties related to the intimate and emotional sphere, due to past wounds that are still open and painful separations, for the fear to trust and suffer again.”
How her body changes
“We can’t tell about sex at 50 without talking about menopause: a physiological time, between the ages of 45 and 55, which is very complicated for women and coincides with the end of their fertility.” There is no precise age, but with the passage of time, “estrogen and progesterone levels decrease; while pituitary hormone production increases. This hormonal disruption brings with it discomfort and psychophysical changes that if experienced poorly can cause great daily discomfort. In addition, the drop in estrogen is responsible for the level of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that keeps themood, whereby depressive states, feelings of self-evaluation, and fatigue may appear.”
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Menopause and sexuality
Menopause obviously goes a long way toward affecting sexual well-being. “From the physical point of view, thevulvovaginal atrophy and the reduced tissue elasticity make sex more difficult. The vagina is less able to respond to stimuli instantaneously, and the lubrication has slower times, so it can make penetrative intercourse less satisfying and more painful.” And precisely because of the pain and discomfort experienced, women prefer to forgo intimacy.
“The vulvovaginal mucosa progressively tends to atrophy and this creates decreased tissue elasticity also leading to bleeding during coital intercourse, as well as tendency to develop infections of the urinary tract,” continues Ilaria Consolo. “Tissue prolapse can cause incontinence, making the woman feel very uncomfortable during intercourse. The clitoris reduces in size while still remaining an important receptor of stimulation.”
The 50-year-old personality
On the psychological level, the lifestyle, the sentimental and maternity experience experienced, and the relationship with the partner definitely counts. “Today people react less traumatically to the arrival of menopause, and much research confirms that these psychophysical transformations do not result in a major change in habits; especially if the woman has a strong personality, a deep-rooted self-confidence and awareness, and good body perception.”
Indeed, there are also pros to sexuality in adulthood: “not being afraid of unwanted pregnancies makes relationships freer; but above all, knowledge of one’s own and the other’s body, due to experience, bring more security under the sheets.”
His body
Changes are there in men as well, “although there is no counterpart to menopause and the concept of andropause is now outdated. Let’s talk about partials androgenetic deficits caused by low testosterone levels that physiologically begin to decline with age. This affects desire or lead to erectile dysfunction and discomfort on the psychological level: so adult men feel less strong and less performing, resulting in lower self-esteem, possible anxiety and depressive states. Already, in general, men experience changes related to the passage of years less well than women, and often experience discomfort with performance that is obviously not what it was in their 20s.”
How do they react? “For some,” comments the sexologist, “there is a gradual decline in sexual intercourse. Others, however, begin what I like to call verification wanderings, to see, with women outside the couple and often younger, whether they still attract. These confirmatory searches are also opportunities to experience a different sexuality from the usual, implementing fantasies they may never have had the courage to talk to their partner about.”
How beautiful it is (or can be)!
Many people think that sexuality is a sphere to be set aside in later life, “but sexual intimacy is an aspect ageless, which represents a mode of language, of communication, and even though the physiological drive is fading as the years go by, the desire and the need for recognition, of exchange.” Without forgetting that sexuality gives psychophysical well-being To both sexual genders.
“It is important to say that after the age of 50, sex may be even better than before: it can be experienced more freely and carefree, more creative and playful, empowered by the increased knowledge and awareness. It should be easier, because of the experience and security achieved, to ignite desire, one’s own and one’s partner’s, to keep arousal alive, to feel pleasure and to give it. With age, one also silences conditioning from stereotypes and taboos, to play more casually.” Continuing to experience healthy and fulfilling sexuality certainly has a beneficial effect on self-esteem, personal confidence, and on a purely hormonal level, the release of endorphins leads to a reduction in stress and anxiety, improving mood. “If one is in a couple, sex can help to strengthen emotional bonds, helping partners feel close, complicit and connected.”
A widespread eroticism
“I would like to preface this by saying that the choice of sexual abstinence should not be stigmatized or judged, because the important thing, especially at delicate times such as menopause, is to feel good about oneself(s). Having said that, I advise couples to discover a different sexuality, especially where there are difficulties and physical issues, related to menopause and declining testosterone levels. It can be a more affective sexuality, perhaps less physical and performing, connoted by a more widespread eroticism but equally rewarding.” It can be an opportunity to experience new practices, help themselves with accessories and sex toys, try to stimulate new senses and situations. “It is very important accept the changes of the body and the transformations due to the passage of time with extreme serenity. We make use of the knowledge of the body: because now we know what we like and what we like. We dare.”
The playfulness of sex
“In particular, I urge women to develop a self-esteem and a positive awareness of the erotic sphere, so they can express needs and desires, without fear. I suggest, in adulthood and from a very young age, to train the pelvic floor with exercises that serve to improve muscle tone, pelvic awareness and sensitivity and help prevent prolapse and incontinence. For men, I suggest that they move away from the still too ingrained morality and, in meeting an adult, aware woman, to do not judge her for having her experiences and having the ability to express her desire. Do not be influenced by the old stereotype of the angelic woman, devoted to a discreet and demure sexuality. In relationships, appropriate the more playful aspects of sex, not necessarily penetrative, to experience this sphere even more playfully or freely.”
