- Stress and burnout: Chronic stress can lead to decreased libido.
- Relationship issues: Conflicts, lack of intimacy, or dissatisfaction with the relationship can contribute to a loss of desire.
- Underlying medical conditions: Hormonal imbalances, medical conditions, or medications can affect sexual desire.
- Anxiety and depression: These mental health conditions can significantly impact libido.
- Lack of time and energy: Overwhelmed schedules and exhaustion can hinder sexual desire.
- Communication breakdown: Not talking openly about desires and needs can lead to a decline in intimacy.
- Lack of physical attraction: Changes in appearance or a sense of being less attractive can impact desire.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4068330/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3818279/
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Why don’t I feel like making love anymore? The causes and solutions
The Decline in sexual desire is a widespread problem affecting young people and adults alike: tending not to feel like making love is a passing moment, caused by various critical issues that each person faces in daily life.
The causes can be various and each is subjective: it changes according to the experience, physical, psychological and relational experience of each person at a given time, however, it is always advised not to overlook this malaise too much, undertaking a course of action with a sexologist or psychologist to understand the underlying reason.
Stress
“Over the course of a lifetime, many women may experience fluctuations in their sexual desire, due to psychological causes including stress, self-acceptance and performance anxiety,” explains the Dr. Daniela Botta, psychotherapist, clinical sexologist, ECPS. Institute of Clinical Sexology, Rome..
“Coping with stress is a challenge for all women, who as we know are socially overburdened and under great social pressure on many fronts. In this context, for our well-being and health, which includes sexual health, it is crucial to work on the physical and psychological awareness that allows one to stay centered on one’s scale of priorities. When our stress-induced alarm systems are active, there is not much room for pleasure.”
Reasons that cause stress in daily life can also include work problems, family problems, commitments out of the ordinary: all these factors can affect the sexual desire, decreasing the desire to make love.
Self-acceptance
Pleasing oneself is most important: not only it increases self-esteem, but it also makes us more confident and poised in everyday life. Accepting one’s physique also helps sexually, channeling an erotic charge fueled by liking oneself. As Dr. Botta explains, “If a woman does not like herself and does not feel attractive, she has a marked decrease in sexual desire. In these cases regain self-confidence is possible through a process of personal exploration, self-acceptance and development of a healthy relationship with sexuality.”
Performance anxiety
“Often overlooked in female sexuality, it is thought that theperformance anxiety is predominantly male. Instead, it is increasingly an element in female sexuality as well. Until recently, female sexuality was linked to procreation and not pleasure; today, fortunately, this is no longer the case, but this sometimes leads to confrontation with unrealistic myths and standards of sexuality. Exploration of sexuality through masturbation and self-exploration can be a powerful way to rediscovering pleasure and self-confidence.
Knowing one’s body and desires can provide a solid foundation for a satisfying and fulfilling sexuality. The way forward is to To find pleasure for oneself and not to prove something to someone else“, explains Dr. Botta. Therefore, if the problem of decreased libido persists, it is recommended to work with a therapist to address deeper issues, regain self-confidence, and thus improve sexual well-being.
Hormonal issues
Reasons for decreased libido include the hormonal imbalances: a decrease in testosterone or thyroid hormone production or an increase in prolactin production. These issues can negatively affect the desire for intimacy with a partner or decrease the desire for moments of autoeroticism.
Depression and anxiety disorders
Also anxiety and depression can lead to a decrease in desire, shifting the focus of one’s life to other factors.In such cases, it is advisable to see a specialist to investigate the causes of anxiety and depression, which also cause problems in the intimate and relational spheres, among others.
Effect of medications
Alcohol and drug abuse as well as antihypertensive drugs, neuroleptics, antiepileptic drugs, and some antidepressants can negatively affect libido and sexual desire. Some hormonal contraceptives can also have a lower sex drive as a side effect: in this case, it is advisable to broach the subject with your doctor to find alternative solutions or different medications to remedy this problem.
Vulvodynia
Dr. Botta explains why chronic pain and, in particular the genito-pelvic pain, have an inhibiting effect on sexual desire. “In the case of vulvodynia, for example, because of the association between sexual activity and pain, avoidance can also be created of all mental stimuli that activate desire. Sexual stimuli in this case, in fact, do not evoke the anticipation of an experience of pleasure but of intense pain“.
Also endometriosis can be associated with discomfort in the intimate and sexual spheres, with decreased sexual desire due to pain experienced during intercourse. The same negative influence is also felt by those suffering from fibromyalgia: widespread musculoskeletal pain causes dyspareunia, a loss of sexual desire and subsequent physical and relational dissatisfaction with the partner.
Relationship and couple intimacy
Due to various factors, such as work or stress and, later, the arrival of children, couple intimacy is often neglected, thinking that it is a less important aspect of daily life. “Sexual desire requires constant care and attention, like a seedling that needs regular watering and fertilization. Intimacy between partners is a crucial element in a couple’s life, and devoting time and energy to maintain it can lead to more satisfying and fulfilling relationships,” Dr. Botta explains.
“The lack of open communication can cause emotional distance that is reflected in the sexual sphere. If the decline in sexual desire persists despite efforts, it is advisable to seek the support of a couples therapist, sexologist, to help explore the underlying dynamics in the relationship and provide practical tools for coping. Sex therapy can provide a safe place to explore sexuality without fear of being judged. It can also help identify any trauma or unresolved issues that may be affecting sexual desire or require further medical investigation. It is important not to wait for the problem to escalate, risking further damage to the relationship.”
How to cope with declining sexual desire
Accepting the problem by doing self-analysis and asking yourself about the reasons that might lead to a decline in desire is the first step in resolving the situation. After that, it is important to Talk about it with your partner, regardless of whether the drop in libido is caused by the relationship or by individual problems: not feeling like making love will inevitably affect the couple, and talking about it will help address the issue.
“In the presence of a persistent or recurrent deficit (or absence) of sexual desire or sexual fantasy, which causes significant discomfort or interpersonal difficulties that has persisted for more than 6 months, it is important to refer to a specialist with a biopsychosocial approach to sexuality to identify the predisposing, precipitating and maintaining factors of the problem,” Dr. Botta concludes.