When desire is irrational: here are the little things that get people excited without a reason

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When Desire is Irrational: Little Things that Get People Excited

  • Novelty & Surprise: Unpredictability sparks dopamine.
  • Forbidden Fruit: Scarcity and restriction heighten desire.
  • Sensory Stimulation: Arousal can be triggered by various senses (touch, smell, sound).
  • Emotional Connection: Strong bonds can intensify physical attraction.
  • Social Influence: Observing others can influence desire.
  • Mindfulness of Sensual Experience: Awareness of the body and its sensations plays a crucial role.
  • Hormones and Neurochemicals: Biological factors influence sexual response.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3572567/

https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/features/xge-a0035771.pdf

Source: iStock

10 not entirely rational desires

The heart has reasons that reason does not know, and the same can be said for the desire. We are not always able to explain to others or to ourselves why some things tickle our imagination more than others, why some features are irresistible and others leave us completely indifferent. It is a topic that has often aroused the curiosity of researchers from various disciplines, including neuroscience.

In the essay A billion wicked thoughts, computational neuroscientists Sai Gaddam and Ogi Ogas simply observe that male desire, in particular, seems to accrue its fixations in adolescence, almost like a lightning strike. And while women are generally more flexible in their erotic interests, men tend to cultivate stable interests throughout their lives. But that doesn’t mean they are any less original when it comes to erotic fantasies, preferences or peculiarities. Here are some that you may not know about.

Biting or being bitten

That urge to playfully nibble on a partner’s neck or inner thigh, or to desire to be subjected to the same attention, has been known since the days of Alfred Kinsey, a pioneer of American sexology. Officially it takes the name odaxelagnia, and some consider it a mild variant of sadomasochism. Others suggest instead that it is more of an involuntary response to feeling overwhelmed by positive emotions. In any case, it is best to make sure that you do not overdo it and that you have the full consent of the other person.

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Looking in the mirror

Do you remember the myth of Narcissus? Some people find it very exciting to look at their own reflection, especially during sex. And that may be why for a short time mirrors to hang from the ceiling, or to place casually in front of the bed, became quite popular. If we then consider that in the male sexuality visual stimulus is particularly important, as Gaddam and Ogas argue, it is not surprising that this demand is even more common among those who derive pleasure from watching the act itself or their partner’s body and reactions.

From Japan with love

The forbidden fruit is always the most appetizing. For the British in the Victorian age it was the ankles, of which one could only catch a fleeting glimpse, while for 21st-century Japanese otaku-and by extension those in other countries-the sexiest area of a woman is the zettai ryōiki, also known as absolute territory. This is the band of exposed skin between the stockings above the knee and the mini-skirt, highlighted by clothing. Not coincidentally, zettai ryōiki is also the name of a maid café in Tokyo, as well as a brand that specializes in miniskirts.

Earlobes

Legend has it that Salvador Dali found earlobes irresistible, and we are sure he is not alone. It could be considered a form of partialism, but only if it is an exclusive and predominant interest. And there are also those who find it very pleasant to be stroked or kissed in this area, more or less gently depending on personal sensitivity.

The pleasure of pleasure

Knowing that you are wanted is pleasurable, very pleasurable. According to a qualitative study of male desire conducted by Sarah Hunter Murray and Lori Brotto, the dirty talk is particularly effective in making men feel wanted. If, however, it is not in your wheelhouse, don’t worry. You can also show your interest with body language, the important thing is not to take the natural need for confirmation for granted, even and especially in a long-term relationship.

Know how to be resourceful

The same research found that contrary to the commonplace, female resourcefulness and aggressiveness are qualities that are more than appreciated, as is a certain enthusiasm toward sex. Not always being forced to make the first move also means less frequent exposure to potential rejection, which is why among the participants’ wishes was to be able to be prey more often and not just hunter.

Playing with hair

It may be that it is considered a sign of interest, but brushing hair away from the neck or absentmindedly playing with a strand often attracts attention. A gesture that done consciously can become seductive, as can running one’s fingers through one’s hair during a conversation. Also, one should not forget that the scalp is itself a very sensitive area. Playing with her hair, or slowly running your fingertips upward from the nape of her neck, counts as very discreet foreplay.

The search for the thrill

Some studies have drawn a correlation between adrenaline and attraction: however, it is unclear whether it is so strong that we can recommend that couples in their tired phase watch thrillers, ride roller coasters, or play sports that prompt this kind of response. Certainly meeting each other’s passions and desires, even when they don’t coincide with our own, could make them happy-and that mood is also relevant to desire there is much less doubt.

The natural scent of the skin

Eliminating all traces of our natural smell is not always a wise move: it seems that attraction also passes through the sense of smell, one of the senses we use to determine whether or not we are more or less sexually compatible. Clean skin smells nice, even when the scent of the bubble bath has now evaporated.

A brilliant mind

Yes, intelligence can also be very sexy. To indicate this kind of attraction, the term was coined sapiosexual, a definition in which one recognizes both those who consider themselves more inclined to fall in love with a sharp intellect than with a body perfectly sculpted by water aerobics classes, and those who consider gender irrelevant to intellectual understanding.

Lee Huxley
WRITTEN BY

Lee Huxley

Lee Huxley is an internationally known confidence and dating coach with nearly a decade of experience. He is the successful author of several dating and confidence books that have helped thousands of men find incredible results that they didn’t even think was possible. While traveling the world Joe consistently finds new and valuable ways to meet and attract women that men everywhere can use immediately.

Joe has a Bachelor’s Degree in Multimedia Journalism from Bournemouth University and has been featured in many large publications including AskMen, TSB Magazine and Dumb Little Man.