Talking about sex within a couple is crucial for maintaining a healthy and satisfying relationship. Open communication about desires, boundaries, and concerns fosters intimacy and trust. It helps partners understand each other’s needs and preferences, leading to more fulfilling sexual experiences. Discussing sex can prevent misunderstandings and reduce anxiety or insecurity. Regular conversations about sexual health promote safety and responsible behavior. Addressing issues early on can prevent them from escalating into larger problems. Sharing fantasies and exploring new ideas together can reignite passion and keep the relationship exciting. Honest dialogue about sex can improve overall relationship satisfaction and emotional connection. It allows couples to navigate changes in libido, physical limitations, or evolving desires over time. By normalizing discussions about sex, partners create a judgment-free space for ongoing growth and exploration in their intimate life.
Never take things for granted. This applies to everything, but especially in personal relationships, affectivity and sexuality. Talking about sex then becomes a good habit, even in couples freshly acquainted. Indeed, well begun is half done, the saying goes. But how to confront such intimate issues? How to get started? And what are the mistakes to avoid? Here are some tips for constructive and healthy confrontation.
What the study says
According to research conducted by the University of Texas and disclosed in The Journal of Sex Research, the habit of talk about sex would improve the quality of intimate life. In fact, openly communicating one’s sexual fantasies to one’s partner is crucial for keeping the flame of passion alive. Telling what we like, our preferences and desires makes us accomplices and facilitates getting to know and awareness. The link between sharing and satisfaction in bed appears to be true, especially for women. Research has shown that if discussion about one’s intimacy is open, one’s sex life is better. But it is not only talking about sex with one’s partner that improves sex life. The study conducted at George Washington University’s Department of Organizational and Communication Sciences, involving more than 12 thousand people, claims that women who are used to confronting each other about these issues with female friends experience their sexual sphere better, are more open and uninhibited within the couple, and more careful to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.
As of now
It is true that if the theme is censored for time, then it becomes more difficult to deal with it. That is why it would be important to start talking about sex as a couple early on, even when it is very satisfying, generous, and imaginative. Talking about how good and pleasurable it is can be a good way to start establishing this exchange habit, without waiting for the onset of boredom or problems to deal with it. Equally true is that over time the confidence increases and talking about sex and pleasure can become more natural and physiological, with less embarrassment.
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Of course
It is important that the topic of sex be treated like so many other topics, without loading it with meanings, stereotypes, expectations and taboos. Sexuality falls squarely within the sphere of the well-being individual and couple, and that is the plane on which it should be approached, with simplicity and honesty, because there are no absolute right or wrong things. Shameless in short, with confidence and complicity. Talking about sex must then become a habit of daily life, just as we talk consistently about the dynamics and satisfactions at work, friendship relationships, tastes at the dinner table or sports challenges and victories.
How to get started
As with anything, there are no set rules for learning to talk casually about sex. You have to know and observe the person in front of you, trying not to frighten them, not to intervene in too bold and provocative a manner, not to be aggressive. Similarly, taking it very far is likely to lose our way.
If it is not easy for us to get started, we can start with a topic that we are not embarrassed about, perhaps a compliment or otherwise from a positive feeling. “I like your back,” “You have a beautiful way of touching my neck,” and then going further and talking about desires. You can also start from a book or a movie, and then personally declining the fantasies. The where and when also are personal elements.
The post report, perhaps still under the sheets, can be a good time for sharing. One is incredibly united, close, in tune, and there is an energy that invokes fusion and exchange. Certainly talking casually about sex is a skill that needs to be trained, and over time-just a little of it-embarrassment fades.
A shared erotic dream
Telling a sex dream you have had can be another way to start the conversation in a light and easy way. You can exchange stories of dreams you’ve also had in the past and then maybe try to build one together, of erotic dream to be realized. Like all projects, this can be a way to put on the table desires, imaginations, feelings and emotions that we value and would like to experience. It means putting ourselves on the line, paying attention to each other, aiming for a common goal, even a long-term one, trying to enjoy all the stages that will lead to achieving it.
What to avoid
Not talking about sex in the couple right away loads this topic with too much significance, to the point of making it taboo. You then run the risk of having to approach the topic only when things are not going well and problems arise. In this case we start talking about it in a negative sense, to complain of dissatisfaction, shortcomings or difficulties. Instead, the cut should be always positive and purposeful, of shared construction and growth. For this reason, the use of words can be decisive. One should not talk about “let’s not”, “I miss”… but about “I would like to”, “I wish”, “what do you think about” or “has it ever occurred to you to think about”. Starting from rewarding examples and from compliments is always a good way, also to highlight some aspects that can be improved.
No to comparisons
The other thing to avoid is comparisons, either with other relationships of friends and relatives or with past ones. Never tell the glorious experiences with other partners, because it might inhibit the passion and imagination of the current one, and in any case the comparison, tending almost to the nostalgic, would not be too gentle. Similarly, it is not recommended to speak, perhaps enviously, of the girlfriends’ stories and what they experience in relationships. It risks being an unconstructive confrontation that detracts instead of bringing ideas and passion.
