Affection Scams: Recognize & Avoid
- Rapid Progression: Unusually fast declarations of love/commitment are red flags.
- Pressure for Personal Info: Requests for financial details or access to accounts are suspicious.
- Inconsistent Stories: Pay attention to discrepancies in their narrative.
- Only Online Interaction: Reluctance to meet in person may indicate deceit.
- Vague Professions/Locations: Be wary of professions that sound unrealistic or vague location details.
- Emotional Manipulation: They may exploit your vulnerabilities to gain your trust.
- Sudden Urgency for Money: Be suspicious of requests for money due to supposed emergencies or financial difficulties.
Further Information:
https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/romance-scams
https://www.ic3.gov/media/press-releases/2024/ic3-warns-public-romance-scams
Source: iStock
Affection scams, how to recognize them
The phenomenon of romance scams — also known as romance scams or romance scams — spares no one. Falling for it are men and women, young and old, regardless of education level or profession. People meet someone online, get to know each other, fall in love, only to find out that they have been targeted by a professional.
Like other cyber criminals, scammers might try to steal information or gain access to accounts and cards, PayPal accounts included, but they often aim to have sums of money sent to them with the promise to return them as soon as possible. And then there are the variants of cryptocurrency investing or online trading, on the rise since 2021: first they show themselves to be capable and experienced, then they offer to teach their secrets. After seeing the first gains, victims are enticed to try again by upping the ante – and if they are hesitant come the first insistence, then the pressure. But how are they so persuasive? We talked about this with Dr. Davide Algeri, psychologist and psychotherapist in Milan.
Signs not to be overlooked
Some scammers are more easily recognized than others. These are the ones who rely on a chatbot to contact several potential victims at a time, generating very vague messages full of repetition or catchphrases. If they then try to get you to click on an external link after the first generic responses, then you will have confirmation that you are not talking to a live person.
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Then there are those who use the same techniques as catfish, creating disposable identities for the occasion. If you have been contacted on a social or dating app, watch your profile: be wary of those with few contacts and very few interactions, or inconsistent with what they have told you about themselves. “The first thing to do to protect yourself is. gather information, as much as possible. Today it is rare for a person not to have a social presence, unless they have an avoidant personality, and this helps to get a sense of the person you are talking to,” advises the psychologist. “If something doesn’t sit right with you in their manner of posturing or conversation, don’t hesitate to ask questions and look for references about what they are telling you, or about the authenticity of their photos“. Did you know that you can search with Google even from an image? Try searching for it and see if it appears elsewhere.
Another suspicious behavior is that of those who after the first pleasantries immediately asks you to continue elsewhere, possibly on Skype, Viber, Telegram or WhatsApp. Why the rush? It’s better not to be too condescending, even at the cost of looking too stiff.
A tailor-made profile
Harder to recognize professional scammers than know how to get into the good graces of victims. First they study them thoroughly, then they recite the script that best matches their sensibility. They pose as soldiers at the front, missionaries, entrepreneurs, models, single fathers or mothers. And compared to those who “trawl,” these scammers are much more careful to offer verifiable information, at least on the surface.
“The profile itself in this case is constructed in line with the target, trying to intercept their needs and desires. The first impression is that it is all too good to be true, but the suspicion is overcome because receiving this attention is rewarding, it feels good,” Dr. Algeri explains. Maybe some details don’t add up – the accent, some spelling mistakes, he makes himself scarcely heard verbally or on video because he has problems with the microphone or the camera-and yet you end up fascinated, looking forward to hearing from him again.
Manipulation techniques
If it is so easy to fall for them, it is because scammers use manipulation techniques that leverage insecurities and fears. “One technique very effective in overcoming victims’ resistance is lovebombing, the same one used by narcissists or young children who want to catch their parents out of fatigue. This is a pounding display of affection, often characterized by gestures or exaggerated statements and an excessive drive for commitment. The ideal victims are people with low self-esteem: those who employ it often play on the fear of abandonment, the need to be seen and valued.”
Once the victim’s trust has been won, the scammer begins with requests. Perhaps he needs a plane ticket for a funeral, or he has gotten into trouble. Or he has discovered that he has illnesses that require urgent tests or expensive surgeries, is desperate, and doesn’t know who else to ask. “Inventing contingencies allows you to leverage multiple emotions. Love, because the victim for fear of losing that special bond is willing to give him what he needs; fear and confusion, because the psychological technique of urgency does not leave time for reflection but prompts an emotional response and finally guilt, because there is always the doubt that he is telling the truth. There is a component of emotional blackmail that the victim often realizes only after he or she has already given so much, because scammers are good at manipulating and hiding reality,” the psychologist continues.
Never let your guard down
To protect yourself, it is important to pay attention to how the other person probes the terrain. The more you date, the more natural it is to share details of your life. Even if we don’t indulge in overly intimate confidences, chatting happens to reveal a lot of personal information that at the moment seems unimportant to us. Unfortunately, even these innocent confessions can pose a risk. Especially if we realize that they are not entirely spontaneous.
“Falling into these traps is easy because. we tend to trust people, when we get to know someone we don’t stand on so much dietrology. But when a person asks a lot of questions and tells little about himself. – or otherwise offers only details intended to impress or arouse sympathy and compassion – all this gratuitousness of attention should turn on some lights” the expert continues. “Another red flag, as we were saying about lovebombing, are exaggerated promises: even if this person were really in love, those who after a few weeks are already talking about marriage or cohabitation are rushing too far. Concrete plans for a life together are made after dating in person, not before.” Confiding in a friend might help, both to get a second opinion and to find support in case you experience initial pressures.
“Another protective factor can be working on one’s self-esteem. Fear of being alone, the tendency to devalue oneself or build one’s value on doing for others are all fragilities that manipulators can leverage on. Taking care of oneself helps strengthen one’s emotional defenses, both online and offline,” the psychologist concludes.
